Mindset holding you back?

Happy hump-day, and welcome to October!

Did the last quarter of this year catch you by surprise?

Hit reply or comment and let me know how you’re gearing up to wrap up the year. Even if you are planning a well-deserved rest!

In this newsletter:

• Essay: Learning to Receive Feedback without Defensiveness

• Candid News: Our Newsletter Name Explained

Learning to Receive Feedback without Defensiveness

A while ago I was playing a netball match, and we were getting our butt’s handed to us - which isn’t unexpected for a “social” team. But still pretty hard to stomach, especially when I’ve got a mix of ADHD and CPTSD to make me feel nice and hyper-reactive.

At one point I remember looking across the court and noticing one of our opponents on the other side of the court doing something particularly odd. She was basically playing one-handed. Managing to catch and throw the ball with just one hand and only ever so often using her other upper arm to stablise it.

Now, for context, I’m pretty blind — but wearing glasses on the court is a no-go because I’m about 98% likely to break them (past experience confirms).

As can be imagined I was pretty annoyed at the showboating and asked my defender probably one of the most defensive questions of my life:

The look on my defender’s face told me instantly that I’d full-on stepped in it. As she looked at me in complete horror and explained that this player in fact did not have a second arm to play with…

If there’s ever been a moment that I wished a meteor would fall out of the sky and hit me, it was definitely that moment. As I realised how insensitive I’d been because of my own inability to sit with the discomfort of my team being totally out-classed by someone who wasn’t asking for any accommodations or special consideration.

After reflecting on it a bit, I realised that my defensiveness made it almost impossible for me to:

• Properly take in all the information around me,

• Ground myself and regulate my emotions, and

• Draw lessons and insights to help me learn and improve.

This made me double-down hard on improving my ability to receive feedback - which is vital before you even start asking others for it (see new blog for advice on getting useful feedback).

Learn how to take feedback

There are two key resources that helped me get better at this by:

1. Allowing me to understand that failure is an opportunity for learning and growth if we let it teach us,

2. Making me realise that I am solely responsible for myself and my own reactions — no one else will give me a better shot than I take for myself.

To learn how to think more positively about failure and feedback, I highly recommend listening to what Carol Dweck has to say about Growth Mindset:

To start taking full accountability and control of your responses, a really good teacher is “Extreme Ownership” by Jocko Willink — while it is a bit intense, it is a good way to get a reality check without having to learn the hard way yourself.

These are currently my top two book recommendations to anyone trying to take the driver’s seat in their career. And I’m forever grateful to the mentor who asked me to read them when I really didn’t have the tools that I really needed to be successful (and unflappable) in today’s working world.

One day I really hope I can be as self-sufficient as that netball player who came onto the court with “less” than, but never let her potential be capped by circumstance or whether the world was “comfortable” or not.

I hope you’ve learned something from my failure here — and please let me know of any other resources that I’ve missed!

Candid News:

We’ve got a new name for our newsletter: Candid Constult!

Yes, I know we do a lot of consulting but no that is not a typo. It is a word that became obsolete that I really think should come back into common use:

The Candid Community is a space where we want to break free from “traditional” forms of employment by rejecting the normal way of building security. We redefine success based on the lives we want to live, and foster connections along the way that bolster our success and enjoyment.

All while having fun along the way!

This name choice hopes to reflect the new direction we’re taking at Candid — members can see the update here.

If you’re keen to play the fool with us, keep your eyes peeled for news on how to join coming to your inbox very soon! 👀

Or invite your friends to join in too…